This morning I was thinking about our journey with conversion disorder.
It is a difficult thing when your child develops something that ends up completely changing your world. Conversion disorder is NOT cancer or some other hideous thing that actually kills your child. This is a livable disorder but as all disorders that have a neuro based origin a lot depends on the persons determination to overcome the disorder.
When our children go though any sort of thing (this can be sickness, death, divorce, and so on) that changes their world in a way that is uncontrollable as parents we have a tendency to try to compensate for the hardship they face. We get lax on our rules and we let things go that we would normally not allow.
Sometimes we have to remind ourselves of the job at hand. We have to be parents. We have to remind ourselves that we are raising kids in a world of adversity and as we go through life and become adults we are not allowed to be sassy or disrespectful at our jobs when we go through hardship. We have to follow rules and do our jobs even in hard situations. By allowing our children to display bad behavior because of a hardship is actually just adding more difficulty for them in the future.
All of this is easier said than done. We watched our child loose her independence for a time just when she was at the age where she should be allowed more independence. She was a good kid who made mostly good choices and all of a sudden we couldn't allow her to go very far away from us because she would loose the ability to use her legs or pass out and wake up acting like a 5 year old and not knowing who the people around her were.
And so... our rules changed. We allowed her to have disrespectful behavior and gave in to her stubborn behavior.
She is a good kid. She has learned to deal with her disorder and is doing great in college. She plays volleyball for college. She is a sweet girl that is doing well.
With that said we see the residual effects of our parenting.
So here is my advice. Be strong. Do what you know is right. Do NOT allow bad or rude behavior because you feel sorry for your child. Remember that each one of us, throughout our lives, faces adversity and it is your job as a parent to train your child to face each challenge with integrity that comes from teaching them how to deal with the issues they face as a child.
The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still. Exodus 14:14
Thursday, May 10, 2018
Wednesday, May 9, 2018
What am I entitled to?
Entitled. Isn't that an interesting word.
Merriam-Webster definition of Entitlement
- the state of being entitled
- a right to benefits specified especially by law or contract
- belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges
- a government program providing benefits to members of or specific groups, also, fund supporting or distributed by such a program
When I read this definition I am sickened by what we have created in our lifetime. We have created (and I as a parent am included in this group) a generation that believes they are entitled to all of the things in life that every generation before them has worked hard with blood sweat and tears to attain.
My mother was raised in a family with 6 children in a 3 bedroom house. Shouldn't they have been required to provide her with her own room? So why is it that our children feel they are entitled to their own room.
I had a paper rout by the 4th grade and then was given the opportunity to buy the things that I needed or if I had enough money, wanted. Why is it then that my children are entitled to a cell phone, car, spending money, and so on with out needed to have a job?
We are the problem. We have allowed this to happen.
The bible says, you don't work you don't eat. We are going to be persecuted for our faith and so on. The bible actually promises that "in your life you will have trouble". Now, it is not left there, we have salvation and grace through Jesus Christ, but even that requires that we make a choice. I either choose to accept the gift of salvation or I don't. It is not something that I am entitled to receive.
Parenting is not for sissies (something my Grandma Lucile always used to say). Look at the heart ache that God the Father has endured for those who are His children. So, be strong. Teach your children to work for what they have. Do not allow your child, at any age, to feel as if they are entitled to anything they have or want. You hopefully get to do that from infancy, but if you have an adult child, do it now. They are not getting any younger and no matter how old they are, they are your children.
There are no two people in the world that I love more than my two girls. But I don't want to have entitled, snotty, disrespectful, adult children. I love them more than that.
We as a society don't think we have to work at our jobs. We think it is okay to waist time and not produce anything and then we throw a fit because we are not being treated well enough or we are not making enough money.
GO!! Put God first and then do the work you do as unto the Lord. Quit thinking about all the things you are entitled to. YOU ARE ENTITLED TO NOTHING! Discipline yourself and work hard for what you need and want. Love others more than yourself and be content with what you have in your life. People with far less than you are far happier than you are at this very moment. That is a good reminder to all of us.
Merriam-Webster definition of Entitlement
- the state of being entitled
- a right to benefits specified especially by law or contract
- belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges
- a government program providing benefits to members of or specific groups, also, fund supporting or distributed by such a program
When I read this definition I am sickened by what we have created in our lifetime. We have created (and I as a parent am included in this group) a generation that believes they are entitled to all of the things in life that every generation before them has worked hard with blood sweat and tears to attain.
My mother was raised in a family with 6 children in a 3 bedroom house. Shouldn't they have been required to provide her with her own room? So why is it that our children feel they are entitled to their own room.
I had a paper rout by the 4th grade and then was given the opportunity to buy the things that I needed or if I had enough money, wanted. Why is it then that my children are entitled to a cell phone, car, spending money, and so on with out needed to have a job?
We are the problem. We have allowed this to happen.
The bible says, you don't work you don't eat. We are going to be persecuted for our faith and so on. The bible actually promises that "in your life you will have trouble". Now, it is not left there, we have salvation and grace through Jesus Christ, but even that requires that we make a choice. I either choose to accept the gift of salvation or I don't. It is not something that I am entitled to receive.
Parenting is not for sissies (something my Grandma Lucile always used to say). Look at the heart ache that God the Father has endured for those who are His children. So, be strong. Teach your children to work for what they have. Do not allow your child, at any age, to feel as if they are entitled to anything they have or want. You hopefully get to do that from infancy, but if you have an adult child, do it now. They are not getting any younger and no matter how old they are, they are your children.
There are no two people in the world that I love more than my two girls. But I don't want to have entitled, snotty, disrespectful, adult children. I love them more than that.
We as a society don't think we have to work at our jobs. We think it is okay to waist time and not produce anything and then we throw a fit because we are not being treated well enough or we are not making enough money.
GO!! Put God first and then do the work you do as unto the Lord. Quit thinking about all the things you are entitled to. YOU ARE ENTITLED TO NOTHING! Discipline yourself and work hard for what you need and want. Love others more than yourself and be content with what you have in your life. People with far less than you are far happier than you are at this very moment. That is a good reminder to all of us.
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
So different... but exactyly the same
This picture marks the very last AAU Volleyball tournament for Abigail. We are entering the very end of certain things in our lives. We are reaching the end of Abby's Junior year which means we are reaching of year of endings so that we can move on to new beginnings.
There are so many things we will miss, but...
These two girls are the sunshine in my world. Their smiles brighten my days and their laughs are the music that I could listen to every day of my life. I am so thankful for these girls. God gifted me with these two precious girls and I am forever thankful for both of them.
I pray each day that they will put Jesus Christ first in their lives and choose to follow Him each day.
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