Lots of Lasts

First we started our last senior year with our daughters.  Abigail is in her Senior year and she is our youngest.  Then we started her last Volleyball season of High School.  She played her last home game and her last game of the regular season.  Then we began our last post season of HS volleyball.  And now we have finished our last district volleyball tournament.

Abby was blessed to be part of a conference champion team and they took first place in their district.  All of these are fun things, but they are also marking a long line of lasts.

I always try to imagine how Jesus must have felt when he was going though all of the things in His human life that was his list of lasts.  I can not imagine how that he spent any time thinking that they were sad things.  The lasts that we are facing have sad parts mixed in with the good parts and the miles stones that we are seeing.

The lasts that Jesus faced were all leading to his being reunited with the Father.  What joyful moments those must have been as he anticipated going to be with the Father.

So as I go through my lasts in this season of my life,  I am compelled to count it all joy for God is just working me into a new season where I will continue to be conformed into the image of Christ.

How do you impact the lives around you for Jesus?

I turned 45 yesterday.  I am totally okay with saying my age out loud.  I am not sure why people are not okay with it.  You have 2 options, you get older, or you are dead... so... I am good with the getting older.

I want to talk about a boy who lived the life of a man, a man who was filled with Jesus and let everyone around him see the Jesus who lived in him.

Luke came into our lives when my oldest daughter Emma became friends with him is high school.  They became good friends and had a fun relationship.  The first thing that struck me about this young man was his extremely respectful behavior.  He looked you in the eye, shook your hand and was just an amazing young person.  

As I got to know about Luke I learned that he was a very impressive athlete, especially football.  This seemed a little odd to me as I found this out.  If you didn't know better, from talking to Luke, he was surrounded by this AWESOME group of football players.  If I had to guess from how Luke would talk to us about his team and the sport he loved, he was an ok player, maybe better than some, that just happened to be on this team that was a group of phenomenal players that made his look good.

Humble boy who you had respect for those around him and knew how to be a team player.

I may have some of my dates wrong, but I believe it was right after football season his Junior year they found a tumor in Luke's chest.  Not long after that they removed an 8 lb tumor from his check.  He worked hard and came back to play his Senior year of football.  Then at the end of his senior year the cancer returned and in August he passed away from cancer.

Now, that is the story, one cut too short, about a boy with promising athletic ability, kind personality, and a generally good guy who got cancer and died before his time.

I would like to talk now about the bigger picture of Luke's life and how it impacted my life.

This story I am about to tell is more about the way Luke's life impacted our family and in particular the way it continues to impact the life of our daughter Emma.

Luke tried to date Emma, she however, living 2 hours away from him, had found a boy here in town that she has dated over the last 6 years on and off.  Their Junior year Luke asked her to prom and she didn't go with him.  She did a few things with Luke outside of school but spent a lot of time visiting on the phone with him (you know, the texting and the snapchatting!).  These two seemed to be good friends.

We heard about and ready about Luke's story.  It was mentioned often about how Luke loved the Lord and how Jesus Christ was definitely at the center of his life.  It seemed that in all things Luke had turned his life, no matter  the outcome, over to the Lord.

The year Luke passed away was a hard year for us.  Our youngest daughter lost one of her long time best friends Paige, and then Emma's good friend Sydney died of a brain tumor she had been fighting for 6 years.  It was a difficult year and then we again were going to a funeral for another boy lost to cancer.

We sent to this funeral for yet another teenager lost too soon.  WOW... okay, so let me be clear that loosing anyone is difficult, loosing a child, there is no way to describe what I have witnessed as I have watched people I love so very much morn the loss of a child.  I have never lost one of my own children and I think it is one of those things that you can imagine how awful it would be but until you experience it, I just think there are no words that can describe how overwhelmingly terrible it has to be.

But again I say WOW.  I have never in my life been to such an amazing funeral in all my life.  Every single second of every moment pointed towards Jesus Christ.  I have been a Christian nearly all my life.  I was raised in an wonderful Christian family and my spirit was convicted.  This boy, who lived the life of a man, raised to know Jesus Christ, completely put himself in the loving and all knowing hand of his Lord and Savior and in doing so witnessed with the way he lived his life and the way he died to all who knew him, and all who knew of him.

It was unreal.  Both my husband and I walked away in awe of a young man who lived a life, although short, totally devoted to the Lord.  We watched his family, who also very apparently loved and worshiped a living God.

So, now we fast forward a year to a girl, who has some regret when it come to this young man, but who was also raised in a Christian home.  She has not been living her life for the Lord of late, but we know she loves Jesus and has given herself to the Lord.

Luke's witness is living on.  This girl cried on my couch as she relived the love and faith that she had seen in Luke.  As she delves into her own relationship with the lord she is looking back on a life that was lived in complete faith in Jesus Christ.

I now have to ask myself, and I am asking you... How do you impact the lives around you for Jesus?

Red Ribbon Performance

As parents we talk about the different things that we do to build character in our children.

We are in a time where parents are allowing their children to receive participation ribbons and trophies for just being there and trying to do something and even if they fail we celebrate them as a winner.  Now don't get me wrong, I believe there is a time and an age group where children are learning and are not judged on their performance.

Our children do 4-H.  This is a great program.  The kids under 9 are clover buds and they do projects and interviews but are not judged on their performance.  They are given critique on their performance but are allowed to get lots of help and lots of support to learn the process of doing projects, doing interviews, and so on.

And then they become juniors, they begin to do more and more on their own and there is  still a level of assistance because we are talking about small kids working with large animals.  At this point they are still being judged but it is at an appropriate level.  When they turn 15 they are then part of the Senior class group.  Again, more rules and expectations, but no participation ribbons, they are judged on their performance.

The 4-H program is a unique program.  Although is it for kids and run by kids it requires a certain amount of adult participation for the kids to be successful.

We are talking about large animals and so there are times when a horse, no matter how much work you put in, will act like a horse, a cow, will act like a cow, and so on.

So, let me tell you about Abigail and her red ribbon performance.

This girl logged many hours with her steer.  She fed it, walked it, petted it, and so on.  It has been a long program because this steer, as we began to figure out through the process, had some fear issues and would act up in an unfamiliar situation, which is what fair is all about.

Abigail received a red ribbon in steer showmanship.  She did everything right, she put in the work ahead of time, she smiled, she answered the questions... and then her steer acted like a steer.

What her steer did was not what this is about, it is about how Abigail reacted to what the steer did.

This picture of her showing her steer with a smile on her face, this is a picture taken after her steer drug her across the arena.  After this picture was taken he did it again... and again... and again.  Every time she tried to move him or change something he was off on a jumping running spree.

She smiled and laughed as she talked about it, she kept a good attitude, she kept a smile on her face.  It was red ribbon performance, the judge was correct, but everything gained and built in her character and her perseverance was worth every single moment.

Changing Roles

I can still remember some of the best advice my oldest sister ever gave me.  I was raising my first baby and spending each month mourning the loss of the last month and so sad that my baby was getting older and growing and changing.

She told me that I needed to start being in the moment and enjoying each stage instead of being sad that things are changing and moving forward.


And so began the journey of raising our babies...


In the beginning we are 100% of what helps are babies to survive. You feed them, you change them, you are their everything and they are so dependent on you.


Each moment is about your child moving away from you, growing, changing and we as parents are in a constant state of letting go.  Our job as parents is to grow our children so that they are able to successfully leave us.  Seems sad, but it is not... It is a very daunting, difficult, and rewarding opportunity. 

As I have gone through this journey and I have watched these girls grow and change.  We have done all that we can to raise them to be young women who put the Lord first in their lives.  We do all that we can to make them responsible and successful humans.  We do everything and anything that we can to support and love them... and then we step away.  We allow them to fall, we are there to love them and support them but we allow them to struggle, learn and grow.  We remember what we are given these amazing gifts of starter people that God has allowed us to love and care for.

Our role as a parent changes with each stage of life.  Embrace it!  Give God your heart and allow Him to work through you as your parent your children.

What is your path?

The road less traveled?  The strait and narrow?  What do you call the road you are on?

We are born into this life.  For the first 18ish years of our life we are guided both in beliefs and direction.  We are told about this adult life we are to prepare for and then we are told we need to have a plan that we are somehow supposed to execute over a short period of time so we can then live our adult lives out according to these amazing flawless plans we made when we were 18.

That is NOT how my life has gone.  I am not sure about you, but I was not thinking about all the "adult" things that  would happen in this life.  I didn't know all of the variables that I should have considered as I was making my "life plan".

So now I am in a time where my girls are at the same age and making the same decisions.  So, what do you say to these kids?  And will they listen?  Did you listen to advice given to you?

There are things we should consider.  Who put us here?  God put us here.  And what is Gods plan for our lives?

I am not a biblical scholar and I am  certainly no preacher, pastor, or anything else that would give me any sort of information that would make me any sort of expert.  As I read my bible I find one consistent plan.  God's intention is to change us into His image.  That is His only desire.  He looks only to the eternal life and although I do not believe God wants us to be unhappy or ill, I do not believe He is so concerned with that as much as He is concerned with our eternal salvation.

Then why do bad things happen, why do we go through all of these challenges.

Some of the bad things that happen in our lives are a consequence of our choices.  Another gift that God has given us is the gift of free will.  We were created with this gift.  We were all made in the image of God and so this gift is a given by God and is of God.  And so we choose what we do, who we trust, who we follow, what we spend our time on, and many other things that give guidance to the direction of our lives.

Sometimes the things that happen in our lives are a direct reaction to other peoples choices and decisions.  War, drunk drivers, gunmen, and many other tragic things that we deal with in our lives.

There are also what I will label as natural disasters.  Earth quakes, tornadoes, floods and so on.  I am also going to list a few other things under natural disasters.  Cancer, heart disease, old age, and so one.

God  created this world with no death and no destruction and then sin entered into the world.  All of these natural disasters are not Gods design, they are a direct result of sin.

As we go through life God allows things to happen to us.  His word says that He works all things together for our good for those who love Him.  So then why allow anything bad to happen.  Flash back to God's will, to transform us into the image of God.

The path we take, by choice and by natural disaster is allowed by God to transform into the image of God.

Now I will ask the question again, What is your path?

We should spend more time being reminded of the destination and concern ourselves less with the path.  Follow Jesus Christ, He will guide whatever path we end up on.  Whether you ended up on your path by the choices, free will, or natural disaster God is there, turn to Him.

I am reminded that God is Good, in every situation and under every circumstance.

Conversion Disorder - Behavior

This morning I was thinking about our journey with conversion disorder.

It is a difficult thing when your child develops something that ends up completely changing your world.  Conversion disorder is NOT cancer or some other hideous thing that actually kills your child.  This is a livable disorder but as all disorders that have a neuro based origin a lot depends on the persons determination to overcome the disorder.

When our children go though any sort of thing (this can be sickness, death, divorce, and so on) that changes their world in a way that is uncontrollable as parents we have a tendency to try to compensate for the hardship they face.  We get lax on our rules and we let things go that we would normally not allow.

Sometimes we have to remind ourselves of the job at hand.  We have to be parents.  We have to remind ourselves that we are raising kids in a world of adversity and as we go through life and become adults we are not allowed to be sassy or disrespectful at our jobs when we go through hardship.  We have to follow rules and do our jobs even in hard situations.  By allowing our children to display bad behavior because of a hardship is actually just adding more difficulty for them in the future.

All of this is easier said than done.  We watched our child loose her independence for a time just when she was at the age where she should be allowed more independence.  She was a good kid who made mostly good choices and all of a sudden we couldn't allow her to go very far away from us because she would loose the ability to use her legs or pass out and wake up acting like a 5 year old and not knowing who the people around her were.

And so... our rules changed.  We allowed her to have disrespectful behavior and gave in to her stubborn behavior.

She is a good kid.  She has learned to deal with her disorder and is doing great in college.  She plays volleyball for college.  She is a sweet girl that is doing well.

With that said we see the residual effects of our parenting.

So here is my advice.  Be strong.  Do what you know is right.  Do NOT allow bad or rude behavior because you feel sorry for your child.  Remember that each one of us, throughout our lives, faces adversity and it is your job as a parent to train your child to face each challenge with integrity that comes from  teaching them how to deal with the issues they face as a child.

What am I entitled to?

Entitled.  Isn't that an interesting word.

Merriam-Webster definition of Entitlement
- the state of being entitled
- a right to benefits specified especially by law or contract
- belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges
- a government program providing benefits to members of or specific groups, also, fund supporting or distributed by such a program

When I read this definition I am sickened by what we have created in our lifetime.  We have created (and I as a parent am included in this group) a generation that believes they are entitled to all of the things in life that every generation before them has worked hard with blood sweat and tears to attain.

My mother was raised in a family with 6 children in a 3 bedroom house.  Shouldn't they have been required to provide her with her own room?  So why is it that our children feel they are entitled to their own room.

I had a paper rout by the 4th grade and then was given the opportunity to buy the things that I needed or if I had enough money, wanted.   Why is it then that my children are entitled to a cell phone, car, spending money, and so on with out needed to have a job?

We are the problem.  We have allowed this to happen.

The bible says, you don't work you don't eat.  We are going to be persecuted for our faith and so on.  The bible actually promises that "in your life you will have trouble".  Now, it is not left there, we have salvation and grace through Jesus Christ, but even that requires that we make a choice.  I either choose to accept the gift of salvation or I don't.  It is not something that I am entitled to receive.

Parenting is not for sissies (something my Grandma Lucile always used to say).  Look at the heart ache that God the Father has endured for those who are His children.  So, be strong.  Teach your children to work for what they have.  Do not allow your child, at any age, to feel as if they are entitled to anything they have or want.  You hopefully get to do that from infancy, but if you have an adult child, do it now.  They are not getting any younger and no matter how old they are, they are your children.

There are no two people in the world that I love more than my two girls.  But I don't want to have entitled, snotty, disrespectful, adult children.  I love them more than that.

We as a society don't think we have to work at our jobs.  We think it is okay to waist time and not produce anything and then we throw a fit because we are not being treated well enough or we are not making enough money.

GO!!  Put God first and then do the work you do as unto the Lord.  Quit thinking about all the things you are entitled to.  YOU ARE ENTITLED TO NOTHING!  Discipline yourself and work hard for what you need and want.  Love others more than yourself and be content with what you have in your life.  People with far less than you are far happier than you are at this very moment.  That is a good reminder to all of us.

So different... but exactyly the same

How many times have I said it... JUST ONE GOOD PICTURE!

This picture marks the very last AAU Volleyball tournament for Abigail.  We are entering the very end of certain things in our lives.  We are reaching the end of Abby's Junior year which means we are reaching of year of endings so that we can move on to new beginnings.

There are so many things we will miss, but...

These two girls are the sunshine in my world.  Their smiles brighten my days and their laughs are the music that I could listen to every day of my life.  I am so thankful for these girls.  God gifted me with these two precious girls and I am forever thankful for both of them.

I pray each day that they will put Jesus Christ first in their lives and choose to follow Him each day.

Beautiful... from the inside out

I can't even begin to say how very proud I am of my girls.  They are smart and beautiful and growing into wonderful young ladies. 

I have only one wish for my girls.  I pray each and every day that they would follow the Lord Jesus Christ with all their being.  That they would choose Him every single day in every single situation.  If they will do this each day then the rest of their lives will follow Gods will and they will be beautiful from the inside out.  When we let God control our lives it is then we see true gift God has given us.

Find the Good

     When you spend your childhood fighting for your life things are put into perspective.  You begin to see things for what they truly are and you become less concerned with the trivial things that we really should not be worried with anyhow.

     Miss Sydney Hedges taught us these things in the way she lived her life.  She was a bright spot of sunshine that helped us to see the importance of finding the good in ever day.

     I am not even sure that she realized the gift she was giving each one of us as we watched her live her life.  It was not an easy life that she lived but she choose to find the good... everyday.

     Sydney was blessed with a family that loved her well.  Not everyone has the benefit of a family who loves them trough each part of their journey, but she did.  Not only did they love her, encourage her, stand by her, but they went with her through her journey and choose to be an encouragement to others instead of being consumed by the struggles they faced.

     I believe that they also do not realize the impact that they have made on our lives.  As we have watched this amazing family put aside their own situation and their own struggles and help others we have been so encouraged by them and their story.

     This family embraced the fact that their new family normal did not include what we all consider as normal.  They instead faced doctors, treatment, remission, setbacks, and things that we would never even consider as normal, but as life goes on and they strived to give their child as many milestones as possible.

     We laughed with then, cried with them, and did our best to be supportive, but the most amazing thing happened... they became a support to others and went out of their way to bring bits of joy to the lives of others who were struggling with things of their own.

     So, Find the Good in Everyday... be the smile someone needs, the kind word they need to hear, the joy that we all so desperately need.

Even if you don't

I pray.  I have a list that gets longer with each day of people for whom I pray.

My most often said prayer goes along the line of God softening the heart of whomever is in whatever situation that they may see God and follow Him.  Cancer, death, sickness, teenagers, marriage problems, toddlers, old age,  the list goes on and on, but for each situation I can pray that God will gain another person to his flock as each situation unfolds.

It has been nearly a year since we lost Paige and Sydney.  For many years we prayed for Syd to be healed.  We prayed for doctors, for the family and each situation that arose in her life as she was in a battle for her life.  And with Paige it was days, praying as we held her in our arms just minutes after her car wreck, holding her hand in the hospital, comforting sisters, parents, and family as we waited for news.

So, we prayed and the result was not what we had asked for.  We asked for healing and we asked for time but that was not what we received.

It all comes back to what we prayed for in the situation and although I did pray fervently for healing and time, I also prayed for hearts to be softened and for Jesus Christ to be heard and accepted as savior by as many who would be touched.

This Sunday, as my heart was hurting once again for these families who have been left to deal with the loss of a child and our pastor briefly touched on a story that I had not though of lately.

In Daniel 3 we read about Shadrack, Meshack, and Abed-Nego.  They were told, with the rest of the nation, that they were to worship the gods of Nebuchadnezzar and bow down to his golden image. In verse 14 they were asked by the king himself, "Is it true, Shadrach, Meshack, and Abed-Nego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the gold image which I have set up"... Later in verse 15, "But if you don not worship, you shall be cast immediately into the midst of a burning fiery furnace.  And who is the god who will deliver you from my hands?"

The answer is the whole story in a nut shell.  In verse 17, "If that is the case, our God who we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand O king... and then, here it comes, verse 18... "BUT IF NOT, let it be know to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you set up."

So there is it, true and real faith.  We prayed, We know that our God can, BUT IF NOT, we will still trust Him!

There is a song that I love that has carried me through a lot of things over the last several years and the chorus goes like this..
I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone.

I choose to trust a God who had given His one and only son to pay the price for my sins and has freely given all who ask the gift of eternal salvation.  I will continue to pray for healing of hearts, bodies, and minds.  I will pray for my family, friends, community, and country.  I will pray most of all that each person will hear the gospel and respond by asking Jesus Christ to be their personal savior.  And at the end of each day, this chorus will resound in my heart...
I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone.

God's Will

Have you ever used this phrase, God's Will?  We say things like, it was God's Will, or I am trying to follow God's Will.

So, you are trying to decide if you should take a job or move to a new place, you are praying about your plans and asking others that they would pray that you would follow God's Will.  I am not trying to say this is a bad thing, it is a GOOD thing.  But as we look closer into God's word we find one theme.  God has one desire for us, and that is that we would be conformed into His image.  Although, like any good father, He wants us to be happy and healthy, that is not His main concern.  God wants us to know Him and be conformed to His image.

One year ago today was a normal day for me.  I got up, got my kids to school.  We had 1 free weekend in between basketball and so Abby was planning a sleepover party.  It is a rare thing for Abby to invite a bunch of friends out and we LOVE having them out here and they are all such great girls to spend a fun evening together.  It was just a Thursday, that's all.  None of us could have anticipated out much our lives would change on Friday.

We don't realize how quickly things can change until we have experienced such a change.  This has happened in many tragic situations where someone is lost.

And so, we return to God's Will.  This statement takes on a whole new meaning when you are laying along the side of the road holding a 15 year old in your arms not knowing if she is dead or alive.  As I prayed for my Paige and as Craig and I held her in our arms waiting for the ambulance I was not so concerned with God's Will.  It can not be God's Will that a 15 year old, beautiful, loving, amazing girl can be taken so quickly and unexpectedly.

And so, here I am, a Christian woman who trusts in the Lord, and I would like to say a little bit about God's Will.

Psalm 16:1
Preserve me, O God, for in you I put my trust.

We live in a world that is corrupted by sin.  With this sin comes all of the tragic things that lead to death.  If Satan can kill you before you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then you can't belong to Jesus and Satan has won one soul.

So, where is my trust, my faith, and what is God's Will?

God created a world without sin.  No death, no sickness, no struggle, no weeds!  God is waiting as long as he can so that as many as will know Him will get that opportunity.  God wants us to choose Him, to confess our sins and ask for forgiveness and to accept him as our savior and Lord.

My answer is NO, I do not believe that God's Will was for Paige to die, I do not believe that God's Will is for any harm to come to any person.  But, I also know that there is sin in the world and that we will be affected by this sin.

I put my trust in God that all of these things that don't make sense, that hurt my heart, that kill our bodies, all of these things will be put to death with the return of my Lord and Savior.  I will not understand or get a sufficient explanation in this life the why or all the bad things that happen, but I do know that I serve a loving God and that He does not delight in suffering and did not create suffering.

Romans 8:35
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
Romans 8:38-39
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, not things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I serve a living, loving God.  I will put my faith in Him.  I believe that God, in all of His infinite wisdom, care, and love will work day and night to bring us to Himself.  I pray that each person I know, and all of those I do not, will take the opportunity to accept Jesus Christ as their savior.

I will be thankful always that our Paige came to know Jesus as her savior, but that IS God's Will for each of us.  He desires that we would live in eternity with Him.  Do you know Jesus?  Have you accepted the gift of eternal salvation through Jesus Christ?

My Valentine

I would like to take a minute to talk about my Valentine.  He has been my valentine for 29 years. 

This year I got a beautiful thoughtful card, I got him nothing.  To be honest, I forgot.  (seriously I forgot a valentines day card, that is BAD)

Not only did he remember but this is how he spent his day.  First he got up early to make sure that the horse trailer was dug out of the snow.  He removed several feet of snow off the top of the trailer, dug it out of a snowbank and then shoveled the inside out so that we could fill it with boxes.

That seems like enough work for one day... NOPE.  He packed all of my boxes to the trailer, my table, heat press, and any other items that I needed to be able to work the district basketball tournament.  Then for 4 days he put up with my crazy, helped every day.  Made sure I had food, drinks, and rest so that I could be at my best.

My valentine not only loves me but supports me both mentally and physically with my little business.  It is not always fun and it is not always as organized as he would like it to be, but he does it every single time.

Thanks you Craig Dudley for being my valentine!